Packing for trips must be hereditary.

Every trip we go on, I give the kids a backpack and let them choose what toys/books/things they want to put in it. This way, they’re not stuck with a pack full of stuff that I thought they would like, but that actually bores them to tears. It’s also a good reasoning exercise—what would you take with you if you are going to go to …(fill in the blank)? As they get older, they take on more of the responsibility of picking out their clothes, which takes a considerable amount of stress off of me! Our upcoming trip to NC is no different, and we’ve been packing all day.

I still need to help adjust their choices, though. As you can see, The Naturalist has followed my way of packing which is: “When in doubt, throw everything in the suitcase. And around the suitcase. And then find more suitcases to fit all the stuff into.”

The Golfer takes after his dad, which is to scan the room, grab a few things and then get the heck out of dodge.

The Sassy Princess threw a few books at me and ran back to watch Spongebob.

In preparation for the plane ride, I’ve packed some gum for pressurization, lots of lollipops to (hopefully!) keep the Princess too busy sucking to yell or cry, Gameboy DS, CD player, card games, playdoh, coloring books, sticker books, activity books, and crayons/markers. And, in a very optimistic show of faith, I’ve packed lots of trashy magazines in case a miracle happens and The Sassy Princess falls asleep and I get .5 seconds to myself. I’m SO going to read up on Britney’s disasterous ‘interview’ in OK!!!

Cheese as a weapon?

For the love of Pete.

I’m sure you all have seen the ‘terror threat’ warnings about people trying to smuggle bomb parts onto airplanes. And that some of these smugglers used cheese in the place of actual explosives.

I’m already anticipating a bumpy ride on the plane with the Sassy Princess in tow. And I already have to sacrifice her favorite juice box because of the no liquid ban. But now?! I’m afraid to pack her favorite string cheese for fear they’ll earmark me as an evildoer and I’ll have to endure a cavity search while the headlines blare: “Unassuming Mom Packs Contraband Cheese For Nefarious Purposes. Toddler In Tow Will Not Cooperate With Authorities. News At 9!”.

What do they do with these insane people who construct cheese bombs at the airport? Do they ship them to Guantanamo? Hide them in secret CIA shelters for secret tortures in secret countries? Whatever they’re doing, it’s not working. They are not discouraging would be terrorists from doing whatever it is they like to do with cheese and cell phones.

I have a solution. Take them. Lock them up. Attach a speaker to their cells. Put on a tape of what a 3 year old sounds like on a cross country airplane ride without her favorite cheese and juice box. Play it continuously. Over and over. 24/7. In fact, I’m going to take a recording of what the Sassy Princess sounds like when we endure such a flight on Friday…they can use that feedback. I know what it does to me, hearing the shrieks and wails and whines and tantrums. And I’m a hardened mom–usually I can block out the fevered pitch of kids throwing fits. But 3 year olds have a certain frequency that induces migraines, seizures, and nerve damage to everyone within hearing distance…all at the same time.

That’s what I’d like to do to these freaks who deprive me of innocent cheese on an airplane for my toddler.