Nothing Gold Can Stay.

5 years ago, today, hubby and I welcomed a third child into our family. However, there was no celebration, no happy smiles, no joy in the room. She was stillborn, passing away before taking a breath.

I had developed HELLP Syndrome, a variation of preeclampsia that very quickly threatens the life of the mother and the baby if not treated aggresively. Aggresive meaning induction. I survived; my little girl did not.

It’s a sad story, but would be even more sad if that were the extent of it. Death, loss, grief, sadness. A broken, incomplete family.

But no, here we are 5 years later–celebrating what we could not all those years ago. I didn’t know then, that a mom’s love can extend to all her babies–even the ones she’s never met. I didn’t realize that hope and faith are strong enough to go up against despair and loss. I didn’t know that it was possible to let someone go and still keep them close in my heart.

We spend time together and make this a family day. We sign balloons with special messages and release them…usually with something special like a flower or toy tied onto the bottom. We eat angel food cake and play in the sprinklers.

I look at my family today; hubby, naturalist, golfer, toddler, and me. Each of us has added something special to make our family what we are together. And so has Baby Rose. Because of her we are a little bit more than what we were before her. I see compassion, determination, hope & faith, tenderness, understanding of grief and loss that teaches us to live in the present, empathy. If this is her legacy, then that’s something to celebrate.

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12 Responses

  1. ((((Tiff))))

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. HELLP is a devasting condition that robs many families of their dreams.

  3. Hey Tiff — huge hugs today (well, everyday for that matter but special ones today). Love, Lisa

  4. Tiff- hugs to you and the family. Sounds like you had a great day together. Love, Amy

  5. You are such a great mom. Your strength and determination inspire me. Gosh I miss you!!
    Love and hugs, davidsmom (and matthew and maddie’s mom too :))

  6. Thinking of you and your family Tiff. (((hugs)))

  7. Love you Tiff. You and you’re family are in my thoughts.

  8. […] Posted on July 16, 2008 by childsplay Today we remembered Baby Rose, and I am sad. 6 years after her stillbirth, I miss her just as much as when we first lost […]

  9. […] I wrote about what happened 2 years ago, here. […]

  10. peace to you momma. she lives in your every day.

  11. Wow, Tiff, I didn’t know about this. Or maybe I read about it and it flipped somewhere in my mind, because of all the rush for the move and such.
    I am really sorry for your loss, and at the same time, I am happy for you, that you are such a happy and pushing person, who enjoys life, embraces difficulties and keeps going.
    You celebrate life. And the short life of baby rose, even if it was inside your womb, celebrated your family.
    A friend of ours happened to have the same decease, and lost her little girl to it, after two days since early birth. Now, they are expecting identical twins, two girls this time. I know that a nail doesn’t take out another nail (it’s a spanish expression, I hope it doesn’t sound bad in english). But extending mother’s love is a way to celebrate your baby’s path on this earth.
    My love to you.

  12. What a beautiful post! I had no idea you’d been through this, and I love your point-of-view. It will be 11 years next month that my first baby boy died shortly after birth. I still miss him like crazy and think that part of me will always be aching for him. Thanks for sharing your thoughts♥

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