Inside the devious mind of an RV.

Ok, ok, the internets have spoken, and they want pictures of the RV! Gotcha! And as my Hubby will attest, I am nothing if not compliant and accomodating.

I’m not really great at this WordPress app yet ( or typing on this infernal iPhone) so the pics will upload in one big clump– you’ll have to match what I type with the right picture.

This won’t take long, the RV is 35 feet by 8 feet. Roughly the size of my bathroom and closet back in Colorado, not that I think that over and over and over. I’m just pointing it out as a comparison.

When you walk in there are the front seats on your right. These are Sassy’s play areas. In front of you there is the sofa that turns in to a bed. The wall in back of it slides out when not driving so there’s more room. 2 kids sleep on that.

If you turn your whole body a quarter turn left, you’ll look down the length of the RV, with the kitchen area running down the length on the right side. The fridge is kind of big. The pantry is…well…not. It makes me want to scream, “how am I expected to work in these abysmal conditions?!”. Moving on…

The bathroom is on the right, with a shower and toilet. I’m not about to deal with sewer crap (no pun intended) so I’ve put a ban on using the toilet. We use the city beach facilities, which is just like being in prison I imagine. Concrete and stainless steel.

The master bedroom is at the back, it’s the one with the million dollar view. I still haven’t unpacked my suitcase because I’ve already filled the closet and drawer space. I seeeeeriously overestimated the size of this place.

Golfer and I measured it using Frito’s 16 foot leash, and it goes from the front of the cab to the front of the bedroom which is probably another 5 or 6 feet beyond that. Whichever kid isn’t sleeping on the couch bed gets to choose a spot on the floor and curl up on a sheepskin rug with Frito. I’m just trying to help them build character, people!

I think that’s about it. Any questions? Did I cover everything?

An RV, Huntington Beach, and a trip to the ER.

This post is coming to you via my WordPress app on my iPhone. Even though I loathe typing on this infernal thing I’ll do it. My blog has become my message in a bottle, and all during the day I read your comments and know I’m not alone on my adventure.

Speaking of adventure, we’re all in the ER! At 10:30 pm! For stitches for Naturalist, who met up with the business end of a sharp pair of scissors. Incidentally we’re at the same hospital Golfer was born at 10 years ago!

Visiting the hospital with 3 tired kids wasn’t really in my plans, but things not going according to my plans IS part of my plan…so this weirdly works out just right. Although I haven’t told anyone they lock the gates to the RV park after 10, so we’ll have a nice half mile walk to the RV. !!!

But when we go to sleep finally, we’ll have the Pacific ocean in our ears. And we’ll wake up 15 feet from the beach.

They’re about to clean her wound and either stitch it or dermabond it, depending on what Naturalist prefers. Wish us luck!

Strange New World.

We arrived in So. Cal this past Thursday. When we left Colorado, it had just snowed and we were all bundled up in our winter clothes. The further west we traveled, the warmer the weather got. Then when we turned south on I-15 and hit Mesquite, it was positively balmy. So balmy, in fact, we traded our bare winter trees for green palm trees and green grass.

The first thing Sassy said when she got out of the minivan once we got to Orange County was, “Mamma! Get out of the car! Without your coat! It’s so WAAAAAAARM! I LOOOOOOVE it!” We traded in 30 degree weather for 60 degree weather in the space of 2 days.

It rained all Friday and Saturday, but it was a warm relaxing rain that made laying around very suitable. And all I wanted to do was lay around. I could barely put two words together, and my thoughts are still rather undefined. I think those are all symptoms of PTPD, post traumatic packing disorder.

Precipitation without snow…what a concept!

And today Hubby and I drove around to a few RV parks to see where we want to be the next week. It was a beautiful day, and being by the beach made me feel like I’d finally arrived home.

Or, rather, someplace I’m OK with making my home. I feel like most of me is still back in Colorado, so experiencing this new place in So. Cal is unsettling and a bit confusing–my first instinct is to put on my snow boots and heavy winter jacket before going outside.

Not that I’m complaining, of course. How could I with days like this?!

I’ve traded in snow for sand, all in a few day’s time. It’s hard to wrap my brain around it, but I’m giving it a shot. Maybe hanging out in an RV all next week on the beach will help me adjust better! I’ll let you know how it goes…

Victory Over My Basement of Doom!

It just dawned on me that I haven’t shared perhaps the single greatest change I’ve ever made in 30 days time. And actually, I started on my basement 1 1/2 weeks into my moving extravaganza, so technically it was done in 20 days time.

Remember my basement, also known as Mordor? I describe it in detail way back on day 11.

It took me 20 days of constant battle with that beast. I had boxes of stuff that I’d moved 3 times in the last 16 years and hadn’t even opened yet. I had boxes that had mated with other boxes and had little baby boxes. Once I’d given up on the basement ever getting organized, I’d taken to just kind of tossing stuff down there I didn’t want to deal with and then running away quickly.

Well, it took determination, cherry coke, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and friends, but I finally tamed the beast. I proudly present the before and after of my basement:

the top is the before, and the bottom is the after:

The last night in our house, I walked down and looked to my right.

I looked to my left:

And then I layed down and cried.

And not because of the reason I was expecting. Having a tendency to hoard stuff, I expected I would be sad to have so much gone. But the reality is, I was so relieved to be free of it all. I felt so uncomplicated. So simple! And I couldn’t think of one thing that I’d gotten rid of in all those hundreds of things, that I’d give back a little of my newfound lightness for.

In total, for our appx. 4700 square foot house:

I am keeping with me what I packed in my minivan:

and the remainder of things that I’ll pick up when we sell our house:

And THAT, my friends, is why this woman deserves a party.

But don’t bring me gifts, because I’m not anxious to fill up any of my uncomplicatedness with more stuff. I like feeling this simple.

But ice cream and cherry coke…that sounds about right!

Don’t Grin and Bear It.

I’ve always hated that expression. Grin and bear it. It’s all so…..passive. Like just, be quiet, put a smile on your face, and go with the flow because you can’t do anything about it. I like my expressions to be a little more feisty. Something that makes you feel punk rock and like you’re kicking some ass.

Incidentally, this is also what I’m craving in my haircut right now, so I went shorter just in time for our road trip to Cali. On that road trip, I also came up with an alternate to grin and bear it. Are you ready?!

Grit your teeth and endure it.

??? What do you think?!

It’s the only thing I thought while driving across 70 and down 15. I very literally gritted my teeth the whole way, it was either that or cry. And I drank vitamin water in the “Endurance” flavor, which is what gave me my own motto.

I know a lot of women who don’t just grin and bear things, but who grit their teeth and endure it in their own ways.

My friend is celebrating a year free from breast cancer. After a double masectomy, instead of getting reconstructive surgery she is having her artist husband draw on her chest. Once he’s drawn something he loves, she’s going to have it tattooed on. I find that so completely beautiful and empowering.

My other friend, Jodi, was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2008 and has started a portrait project of other women dealing with autoimmune diseases. In her words:

My hope for this project is that I can let everyone know that there are a lot of younger people out there who are dealing with these chronic, often painful, illnesses. Also, I think it is very important for the newly diagnosed to be able to see all of these beautiful, happy faces and know that they are not the only one.

Working on this project makes me feel like we are all in this together and that none of us has to go through it alone.

That’s not just grinning and bearing it, that’s way more punk rock.

My other friend, Kristin, went through a crazy difficult year in so many ways, and yet gritted her teeth through it and finished a 365 days of gratitude.

She kicked 2009’s ass!

I don’t want to see people grinning shallowly and letting life have it’s way with them. But I love to see people gritting their teeth and making their own way through whatever it is they’re dealing with. Enduring. I wish their was a way to bottle that up!

So yes, I’ve made it here to California. Last night we rolled in around 9 pm. I tried to get the bags from the car and get the kids all settled at my dads house but realized that I was so DONE I was feeling all kinds of vertigo. And that a massive cryfest was imminent unless I went to bed immediately. So I did, and slept all night to the sound of rain here in So. Cal. It was fantastic. Maybe tomorrow I’ll blog the rest of our drive, I love taking the 15 through Utah!

PSA::How to Avoid a Speeding Ticket, Y’All!

We’re halfway to our new home state!

We drove about 9 hours today, and will do another 7 hours tomorrow–everyone is holding up well and there was surprisingly little whining about how long the car ride was. I’m glad I didn’t do the drive straight through thing…turns out, I’m exhausted. Not just tired, but wiped out. I think I’ve been riding high on an adrenaline rush the past 30 days, and now that the end is near it’s kind of wearing off a little.

I’ll save our goodbye’s to Colorado for another post, right now Sassy is waiting for me to snuggle with her in our hotel room. Instead, I’ll give a little PSA about avoiding a speeding ticket. So far, I’m 0-2 in getting one, and I think I have a pretty good method.

The first ticket I got out of, I was doing 75 in a 45 mph zone. Which was totally lame, because between Ouray, Co, and Denver the mostly 2 lane highway goes through nothing but open land…mostly at 75 mph. But there are strange pockets where it goes down to 45. I was in one of those pockets when I zoomed past 10 cars–one of them a police officer. It took me passing 5 more before I realized what I’d done. Obviously, he was right behind me at that point.

#1: Talk Country.

After I pulled over and he said, “I’ll need to see your drivers license, registration, and insurance” is when my plan started. It wasn’t a plan at that point, it was just my immediate reaction. “OMG! I’ve never been pulled over before! I have no idea what that means!” I drawled. When I get nervous, I adopt the Louisiana accent of a former roomate for some weird reason. It makes me sound Britney Spears stupid, and not the Britney “I’m speaking in an English accent” dumb but the Britney “We always drive with our babies on our lap down PCH! I’m country y’all!!!” dumb.

The police officer paused, then said, “They should be in your glove compartment.”

#2: Be ignorant and talk a lot.

I have a habit of talking fast and continuously when I’m nervous, with lots of nervous laughter. It also helps if you’ve recently ingested all this:

I opened the glove compartment which spilled years of various receipts and other random crap out of it.

“OMG, I have no idea what’s in here. I shove everything in! I’ve never seen a registration card! Is it big or little?! My husband would know where it is, he gets pulled over all the time! Is it this one? This one? OMG, I am SO nervous y’all! With you just standing there, I’m getting all freaked out! No wonder my friend cried when she got pulled over! I had no idea the speed limit was 45, y’all! I don’t understand this road! It’s 75 and then BAM, all of a sudden 45! Why do they do that? It’s so confusing….”

all the while, I’m tossing paper at the police officer from the glove compartment…”Is this what you need? Is this it? OMG, I have so many pieces of paper in here y’all!”

#3: Be nice.

“I’m so sorry you have to sit here like this, waiting for everything. You have such important business to do than sit here waiting on me! I should call my husband to see where it is. I’m so nervous I can’t even remember my phone number! I’ll try to hurry it up, I want to get you back on the road protecting people! … “

#4: Hope for the best.

By this time, the officer should be either charmed or totally annoyed. The first time, he was annoyed and amazed that anyone so completely ignorant could be driving a minivan. He gave me a warning just to make it all stop, I think. The second time, which was tonight (!!!) he was charmed. Although I think it’s BS that he pulled me over for going 86 in a 75 zone. Only 1 mile over the 10 mile accepted overspeed! He was also freezing his butt off, standing outside the car window shining a flashlight in to my glove compartment so I could see all the papers inside. The registration card I finally found was ‘08, but by that time he’d had enough. “This is old. I suggest you throw it away and find your new one. But not now, don’t worry, I’m just giving you a warning to slow down, OK?”

I think that about does it. You should then be free to continue on your merry way!

Hey, guess what? I finally am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. 30 days of darkness, and today I saw lots and lots of light. Literally and figuratively. Thank you, Universe.

Day 30::get ready, get set….

we’re about to go!

My original plan was to pack everything up today so we could leave at 5 am tomorrow and try to drive the 16 hours to So. Cal straight through. Spending any more time in a place that wasn’t going to be home anymore was driving me crazy. Just kind of emotional and twitchy. And not just me, but Sassy too. The older kids are fine, but Sassy and I have been joined at the hip. I don’t know if she’s reading my emotions or having some of her own, but we’re both vibeing the same way.

BUT, that would have meant last minute cleaning and organizing and stress all night tonight, and by about 4 this evening (because here, it starts getting dark around then!) I realized I was overwhelmed and snappy with the kids. And the thought of spending our last night in this house with me being witchy made me change my mind about our travel plans. I’ll finish everything up tomorrow morning and drive 8 or so hours till I get into Utah, and then we’ll find a hotel with a pool and hang out there overnight. Hotels are Sassy’s favorite part of any trip!

So I emptied the last of our fridge and freezer and told the kids we weren’t going to bed until every last spoonful of ice cream was eaten. We watched the sunset over the Rocky Mountains. We snuggled all together in my bed and told stories about living in this house for the last 5 years. We skyped with Hubby, and showed him the pillow I drew a face on to make it into a Daddy everyone could snuggle with while he’s been gone.

Now everyone’s asleep, and I have a date to keep with my oversized jetted tub and some bubble bath. And a book that I’m excited to bring down to the beach with me, it’s been such a great read but I haven’t had much time for it…1906: A Novel

I have some pictures of everything I’ve ended up keeping, everything I packed into my car, and the huge amount of trash we cleared out of here…but I’m just oh so tired and will save them for a little later.

The Universe gave me another little gift while I was driving down the road–I think she feels kinda bad about everything she’s put me through this month, and so she gave me a promise written on a bumper sticker:

I’m taking that to the bank!

Thank you for all the encouragement and comments I’ve received, I read them when I need a break from all this crazy!

Day 29::Abandon Ship!

I met with our realtor today, she walked through the house and approved it to go on the market! And, to prove the Universe not only talks women speak but also has a sense of humor, it’s going on the market tomorrow…Groundhog Day. So fitting, as I’ve felt like I’ve been living the same freaking day for the last 29. She also took pictures for the virtual tour and let me cry on her shoulder. Literally. It’s what happens now anytime someone asks me how I am. I’m a real social charmer that way! So, the papers are signed and our departure is imminent.

This whole experience has mirrored having a baby in so many weird ways. I spoke to another friend of mine who agreed that when they moved from Houston to Colorado she felt the same way. I know that once I get on the road and start our California adventure I will feel so excited and good. But until then, and for the next couple days, I’m pushing so hard to get us gone and it’s just painful. I look around at the mountains, at the farmland, at the fields covered in snow, at my friends, and it’s bittersweet to be saying goodbye.

I’ve never been real great at ending things. If it’s a good day, or experience, or time, then I’d prefer for it to go on just the same forever and ever. The universe is wise, though, and knows that if I stay in one thing forever then I’d miss out on too many other great things I don’t know about. So, she likes to mix it up for me. Thanks, Universe. And I’m only being slightly sarcastic.

The final nail in the moving coffin is the stage where all the food in the house gets doled out and the kitchen gets packed up. I did all that last weekend because I have had to multitask and it needed to get done. The upside is, everything is packed and gone!

before:

almost after…right now, it’s all empty!

The downside is, we have no food in our pantry. We’ve been living off peanut butter, almond butter, homemade vegitarian sushi (easier than making a sandwich!) bean dip, tortilla chips, and whatever charity food my friends bring us. I’ll say one thing, it makes cooking a TON easier.

A lot of our canned goods have been shipped to Haiti–most of our year supply of food storage, actually. The rest has gone to friends or local food collections.

on it’s way out…

Tomorrow I’ll clean the car, pack it up, do all the 304589034985039458304958 last minute things that make life miserably tedious, and then Wed. I’ll put the kids and I in the minivan and away we’ll go.

Can you believe it? Did you think I’d even make it this far? Were some of you secretly hoping I’d have a total meltdown?! Don’t worry, there’s still time and a long drive ahead of me!

Who wants to come hang out in an RV with us? We’re taking reservations now! We won’t have room in the RV, but we can throw a tent outside for you! Naturalist announced she was going to have a “My Mom Is Awesome” party for me when we get down to So. Cal., which is the sweetest thing ever. First, though, I guess I have to make some friends so people will show up for it.

Day 28::How The Universe Speaks To Women.

Lots of people have wondered if purging my life from everything I own (or, mostly everything I own) feels ‘freeing’ or ‘happy’ or ‘light’. At this point, I can say, “not really.” At this point, I’m still a little traumatized by the quick and surgical removal of so much from my house. The past 28 days have been a shock and awe approach to getting rid of all my possessions. I feel a little queasy about it.

When I picked up Ashley from the airport, she asked me how I was feeling…how I was holding up. I told her that I was pretty much at the end of my rope, and had very little mental stamina left to deal with executive decisions anymore. Which made it perfect for her to be here, because that’s where she excels. So, she broke down her goals for the week, and then added, “I’d LOVE to go to Beau Jo’s pizza once before I leave!” then she paused. “You don’t happen to have any stuff to make coffee in your house, do you?” I said no. She added, “I can always drive up to the Starbucks, I guess.”

As we got back to my house and started cleaning, organizing, and purging a desktop area in my kitchen, something stuck between stacks of mostly garbage fluttered out at me. Guess what it was? A $50 gift certificate to Beau Jo’s! !!! Right now you’re saying, “Shut UP!” and I’m saying “I KNOW!!!” but it totally happened! And that’s not all. Delving further into the pile of stuff, out fluttered not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Starbucks gift cards, for $25 each. !!!! Shut UP, right?! I KNOW!!! I told her to take one for herself, and the 3 other ones for the friends back in Chicago who watched her girls so she could come here to be with me.

“The Universe is trying to tell you something” Ashley observed. “If you clear yourself of meaningless clutter and possessions, you’ll find even more abundance in your life.” It was hard to argue with that as I sat and ate my free pizza and Starbucks hot chocolate.

But the clincher? In another room, at another pile, I uncovered another gift certificate. This time, to Mizuna, a fanfreakingtastic restaurant in downtown Denver. It’s pricey, so I’ve never been. When I showed the gift card to Ash, she was excited, and then added she had only packed jeans, and I had packed everything but my jeans, so we had nothing fancy to wear. And then I remembered the dresses. In my garage sale, two black dresses hadn’t sold, so I’d hung them up in the hall closet. Ashley then wondered what we would wear to keep out the cold. And wouldn’t you know, further in the hall closet hung two leather coats that hadn’t sold, either.

We got dressed up in the only clothes that would have been appropriate and checked ourselves out in the mirror. “The Universe is trying to tell you something” said Ashley. “I think it’s trying to tell you that if you stop worrying about trying to provide or buy whatever it is you think you need for the future, the future will make sure it provides you with what you’ll need.” (which totally mirrors a comment made on this blog a week or so ago, and so my ears perked up with this second retelling of it.)

It’s hard to argue with that logic while eating the best Colorado lamb with goat cheese, wilted spinach salad with a candied pear, and mac and cheese with lobster in it…while wearing exactly what we needed that happened to remain in a house full of nothing.

It’s beginning to dawn on me that I haven’t been great at listening to the Universe while being surrounded by all the stuff I had in my house. I never did get why the Buddha gave up everything he had to sit under a bodhi tree. I think I get it now. Stuff gets in the way of the transmission. And strangely enough, Ashley was right. The less stuff I have around me, the more abundant my life feels in so many ways. I never noticed it until the Universe decided to speak to me through gift certificates and black dresses.

Who knew the Universe spoke woman?!

Day 27::California Dreamin’!

I’ve run out of ways to say how tired I am, or how hard this is. So, I’ll focus on the positive! If I had to chose anywhere else to live besides Colorado, it would be California! Sassy has big plans for us….she wants to build the biggest sandcastle we’ve ever built, and catch lots of sand crabs. Naturalist is looking forward to birdwatching, and Golfer can’t wait to join the golf tournaments.

And me? I just want to get us all there safe and sound. Maybe find a beach with a cabana boy to keep my glass full of some icy cold fruity cocktail. I’m a simple girl, after all.